You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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