Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
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