ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
