I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
