If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
