His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
