The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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