I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
