where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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