remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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