woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
