I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
