i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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