Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
