If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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