i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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