The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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