i'm lost and i look like a hooker
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
