For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
