how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is Oprah even human
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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