1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
vagina is talking i cant
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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