Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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