why didn't you poke me back
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize