i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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