guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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