I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
