Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We have started to decorate penises.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize