you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
