whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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