Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize