shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
