So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
