Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
