Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
