Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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