yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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