need another drink. this is the easiest way
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
