So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
