i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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