I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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