Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
