If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
