Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
