What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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