I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
