Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
