I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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