i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
