I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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