i just google imaged poop.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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