Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize