babies were throwing up all over the place
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize