Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
