I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
