I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
