my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sobbing to NWA
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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