Can Purell be used as lube?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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