You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
