I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
