There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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