just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
