You're my little dorito
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
