I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
