Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
