why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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