bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
