Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
