Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize