the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
