just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We were destined to go to rehab together
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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