I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
