dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
