I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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