Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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