I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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