epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
