My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
