i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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