I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish I only lived at night.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
