Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Randomize
