I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
